Moving From Roommates to                           Soulmates

Eleven Characteristics of Married Roommates:

1—I don’t relate at all 2—I relate slightly 3—I relate moderately 4—I relate very much
5—I relate completely In Love with a Stranger

1. Exhausted: You are sleep-deprived, tired, or burned-out. The cause of your fatigue is often beyond your control and based on your circumstances or season of life.
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
2. Busy: You feel like two ships passing in the night. Your hectic schedules and demanding responsibilities leave little time for each other. Spending quality time together has fallen to the bottom of your to-do list. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
3. Pragmatic: You have a business-like relationship as you do life together. Most of your communication is around “administrating” your marriage—talking about to-do lists, schedules, kids, finances, and so on. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
4. Gentle Neglect: You or your marriage is constantly taking a back burner to jobs, kids, friends, housework, and hobbies. You feel ignored. You don’t feel like a priority.
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
5. Complacent: Many people work hard to “win” their spouse and then over time they become comfortable. The initial excitement associated with getting to know a person, growing in intimacy, and trying new things as a couple can disappear as the two people settle into a routine. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
6. Spiritually Distant: You rarely pray together, seldom talk about spiritual matters, hardly ever attend church together, and don’t have Christian friends that you hang out with together at church or in a small fellowship group.
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
7. Conflict Avoidance: You or your spouse evade difficult conversations, sweep negative issues under the rug, or rarely bring an argument to resolution in a way that both people feel good about.
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
8. Sexless: Sex only happens if it’s on the calendar. Romance has faded, affection is absent, and foreplay is a distant memory.
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
9. Disengaged: Your marriage feels like each individual is going in separate directions. It seems like the kids are about the only thing you have in common. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
10. Unsafe: The marriage feels tense or strained. Instead of feeling relaxed, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and feel apprehensive around your spouse. Instead of peace, anger is constantly rearing its ugly head. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
11. Visionless: Most dating and engaged couples dream wildly of what their life will look like together. But then life gets busy. Juggling a marriage, running a household, balancing careers, raising children, and a thousand other challenges, cause big dreams to be set aside. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5

How did you rate each issue? Was there one main struggle or have several issues combined to leave you feeling like roommates? Perhaps there are a few behaviors that are taking place that you want to guard against. Awareness and insight are important first steps to reconnecting. This information is vital to reverse a trend or to prevent these issues from taking root in your marriage.